Obstacles in Self-Love
We say “I Love You” to everyone we know but when it comes time to brush our teeth and sit in front of the mirror in the morning, repeating those three words can be followed by silence and an awkward stare. While I can’t tell you what experiences in your life have created the initial resistance you feel. What I can tell you is that it is totally possible to feel the same sweetness towards yourself that you feel when you look at a cute puppy or see your little nieces and nephews illuminated with pure joy. Understanding the evolutionary progression of the brain is a big part in our natural instincts.
What is self-love?
Self-love is an attitude towards yourself. It allows you to recognize, respect, accept, and appreciate all aspects of your humanness.
What are some things that contribute to self loathing?
The first thing that comes to mind (har har) is the negativity bias. Research has shown we focus and dwell on negative stimuli more often Wait what? Yep, you heard me. We are hardwired to notice negative things within a situation AND remember them more vividly later. Seems like a trap huh? Looking at it from an evolutionary perspective, it does make sense that we would want to notice the man eating animal before noticing the beautiful leaves but having this be one of your background scripts makes things a little harder in the self love department.
The second is attentional filters. Meaning there is more data, sensation, and stimuli going on around us than what is actually processed minute by minute. Basically, the world looks like whatever your mind can focus on.
To recap— we naturally have attentional filters and we are wired to focus on a tiny amount of information at a time. When the small amount of information coming in is affected by the bias we have towards negative stimuli, we can easily be drawn into thinking negatively about ourselves. These two large factors as well as media, who we surround ourselves with, and how we have learned to interact with our own behaviors make it really difficult to cultivate the unapologetic self love we all need.
Can we change it?
Absolutely! Just because we are evolutionarily hard-wired doesn’t mean that we can’t change our habits. In fact, putting in the work will pay off 10-fold. I invite you to start challenging those knee jerk reactions you have to immediately talk poorly to yourself. The first step is noticing that it’s happening and if you’re reading this, you are already on your way.
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